The Importance of Environment

The Sun Also Rises

Different authors have always had different preferred writing environments.  J.K. Rowling wrote Harry Potter in coffee shops.  Stephen King has a room in his house with a writing desk and all his supplies.  Ernest Hemingway was well known for getting high on peyote and writing his stories by dipping his finger in wine and defacing his housekeeper's linens.  (This is a lie.)

The important thing for us budding writers... okay, brief aside.  Budding?  Are we going through literary puberty or something?  Like, halfway through a sentence our narrative voice cracks and we're telling, not showing?  But I digress.

The important thing for us aspiring writers is to find the writing environment that works for us.  Today I begin a series of the things you should keep in mind when choosing your perfect writing environment.

• Do you type or write longhand?
  
  This question sits at the center of most questions of environment, since it points to a natural division in the writing community.  Picture first the longhand writer--we'll call him Carl.  His notebook goes everywhere with him.  Perhaps he stores it in a satchel.  Behind his ear is a pen or pencil, which he wears there as an affectation.  Get Carl started, and he will wax philosophical about the sacred feel of pen on paper, of the way he feels connected to his output.
  
  Now, consider also the typist, which for current purposes we will name Johann.  He also carries a satchel, but a larger one, because there's a computer in it.  Take a look at his glasses--if they are black plastic, then the computer will almost certainly be a Mac, because that's how Johann rolls.  He types 90 wpm, which you know because he tells you.  He will proudly declare that he can't write as fast as he thinks, and typing comes closer to reaching that lofty velocity.
  
  Both Carl and Johann will find a table useful in their environment.  However, Carl will find it easier to do without.  He will also require less electricity, and he will not need to be in a glare-free zone.  However, Carl may find himself tied down by the necessity of finding a pen (if the one behind his ear runs out of ink), and may be further burdened by the weight of his many notebooks.

Next time, we learn about the uses and distractions of the Internet.

Love Should Be Shared... and Contest Prizes, too.

They measure books in miles.  You gotta love that.

Hey, all you NYCers, or those only a train ride away.  Ever been to The Strand?  If not, then why the hell not?  Get your butt to the corner of Broadway and 12th.  If you don't spend thirty minutes browsing the bargains outside the store before setting foot inside, I'll eat my hat.  (Note:  My hat is made of tasty, tasty bacon.)

I bring this up because they're doing a short story contest, and the grand prize is a $250 shopping spree and a tote bag.  Here are the details:

Love in the library, quiet and cool.

Topic:  A short love story, featuring The Strand
Word Count:  2,000 or less
Website:  http://www.strandbooks.com/share-the-love-2011/

Share the love.  And if you win, maybe share the prize with the dude who told you about it?

Hostile Takeover

The enemy is among us.  They are in our stores, in our workplaces, even our very homes.  Their mission is to steal that which is most dear to us.  They want our names.

"They" are women, of course, and I'm speaking of the increasing number of girls given boy's names.  I raise the cry, and I will hear it echoed across this great land.  Women, stop stealing our names.

My name is Addison, and despite what you might think, I am not a twelve-year-old girl.  I do not sign my name "Addison Bieber" in my Mead notebooks, and I almost never use fruit-flavored lip gloss.  Nothing I own contains glitter.  Why do these vile slanders afflict my most noble name?

Addison... it means "son of Adam."  Let me break this down into pieces for you.

son: (n.)  male child
Adam: (n.)  the very first man

My name literally means "son of the very first goddamn man there ever was"!  Okay, I took some liberties with my translation, but the point remains, you can't get more masculine than a name that has "male" in it twice.

Here are a few other names that have been turned by the enemy.

Riley:  A good Irish name.  This name should be sitting in a pub somewhere, drinking whiskey and making bets.
Morgan:  He played God, for God's sake.  That's a He you're supposed to capitalize.
Ashley:  Ever seen Gone With the Wind?  Here's another Irish name that is so far gone, it's irreclaimable.
Alex:  Short for Alexander.  That -ander part?  It means "man."
Chandler:  Ever see Friends?  Okay, not the manliest man, but hey, Courtney Cox.
Logan:  WOLVERINE.  WOLVER-EXPLETIVE-DELETED-INE!

The worst part is, it doesn't go both ways.  We can't steal your names.  Hell, we can't even keep our own, sometimes.  There's only one solution.  It may be drastic, but desperate times and so forth.  Here it is:

We have to name our sons something that no woman would ever want to steal.  And that's why my firstborn male issue will be named...

Velociraptor Hulk Spock-Vader

Your move, ladies.

Our Missin' Statement

Here at For All Tents and Porpoises, we aim to create an informative and entertaining (infotaining?) blog that will provide musings and advice on writing, links to contests and other opportunities for writers, potentially snarky and/or gushing literary reviews, and (as any self-respecting blog should) a hearty helping of silliness and a space in which for us to indulge our collective sense of vanity ...Oh yeah, and a place for us to practice and improve at our craft.

What am I doing?

I just lost seven words of production.  There's three more.  Another two.

You see what I mean?  Every word I type into this blog is one less that I can put into a story.  It's sapping away my time and my productivity and all into something that no one is every going to read.  This blog post is empty calories to a man on a diet, an idling engine to someone trying to conserve gas, an open window with the air conditioning running.


Then... why am I doing this?  Because sometimes that open window blows in fresh air, even if it's warmer.  Because sometimes your engine has to idle for a while so it runs more smoothly on the road.  Because sometimes that candy bar is exactly what you need to calm yourself down and enjoy the life you're prolonging with good health.

Okay, now I've lost the metaphor, and I've got cravings for Mr. Goodbar.

The point is, no matter what you write, you're not wasting your time.  Creativity is not a container that can run out, but a well that is deep and cool.  Even when it runs dry, rain can refill it.  And if the rain doesn't come, you can dig somewhere else.  And if that doesn't work, you can move somewhere more humid.

Dammit, I lost the metaphor again, and now I'm thirsty.

The point is, this blog is going to my chance to run the faucet long enough to get the brown water out, so I can start making pancakes with it.  Mmmm, pancakes.  Can you smell them?  Nice and fluffy and buttery.

What have we learned here today?  I'm going to get something to eat.  Then I'm going to start writing.

What's in a name?

Often tempted to give difficult to pronounce names with deep meaning providing a name for my characters is time-consuming to veer from Character 1/A and so on. To this point I start this point to discuss names -- male versus female, historical, biblical, non-western cultural, or just made up using Scrabble pieces.

Here's an Ask.com question about character names, the 'conversation' is interesting since many of the names seem to bring up emotions and can be based upon looks.

I've created a google.doc spreadsheet for us to add names, meanings, even preferred intended sex of character.

I figured we could add links to websites for name generating, meanings, and so on and so forth -- here and in the document.

http://www.meaning-of-names.com/
www.behindthename.com/
www.quickbabynames.com/
www.namespedia.com/
www.symbols.net/names

Great websites and venues to discover

http://www.creativity-portal.com/prompts/imagination.prompt.html
Prompt generator

http://www.newpages.com/literary/submissions.htm
Literary magazine contests and calls for submissions

http://spellingblog4.blogspot.com/
a Spelling Bee for Adults!

http://www.themoth.org/storyslams
Story readings in NYC

Contests, Fellowships, Awards, etc.

More information on the sites but here are the mini scoop:

Three-Minute Fiction Round 6: Laughing And Crying - It's back! Three-Minute Fiction has returned to weekends on All Things Considered. We're bringing you a new judge and a new challenge to start off this new year. . . accepting submissions until 11:59 p.m. ET on Sunday, Jan. 23. We must be able to read your stories aloud in three minutes or less, so again, the maximum is 600 words. . .Only one entry per person. Send in your story by clicking on the "Send Us Your Original Short Story" link on the Three-Minute Fiction page.

10-Minute play Festival: Actors Theatre of Louisville and Miami’s City Theatre have joined forces to co-sponsor the National Ten-Minute Play Contest. . .Next Deadline Submission Postmark is November 1, 2011. . .Each playwright may submit only one script. . .script must be no more than ten pages long.

The New York Public Library Young Lions Fiction Award is a $10,000 prize awarded each spring to a writer age 35 or younger for a novel or a collection of short stories. . . Submission Guidelines. . . BUT The publisher must submit all books. Authors may not submit their work on their own. . .SO you might want to consider joining the Young Lions Membership program at least. . .The Young Lions is a membership group for New Yorkers in their 20s and 30s who are committed to supporting the work of the Library.